No one knows the pain you’re in because no one asks. It can feel like a cauldron of fire inside you at all times, night and day, with no one to pour a little water on it. Sometimes people pass and you want to say hello, but you’re afraid they’re going to sneer or curse you. It can feel like your soul is being crushed by the weight of life just to breath. But, you are never alone. God says again and again, he would always walk with us. You’re holding too much of the pain on your own to see his presence trying to take it from you.
Feeling abandoned or cut-off can feel worse than awful. You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone because they seem like they’re having a good time and the pain you have inside says you’re not good enough to join them without screwing up. God has the salve to heal the burning pain inside you if you just say, “Heavenly Father, I need you”, and believe that he is listening, because he is always listening and watching over all of us.
The way we live today is for ourselves. No one wants to hurt you intentionally, well, technically they don’t. It is just the nature of wanting things for ourselves; someone else has to lose it for us to gain the things we work for because we all compete for the same things, love and attention of others included. The competition almost never ends well because no one wants to share. Every one is apprehensive of anyone else who comes near what they believe belongs to them, unless they act the very same as everyone else in the circle, and you feel like you just don’t fit in. This can create feelings of loneliness, guilt (believe it or not), fear, or just outright being made fun of, which makes the feelings far worse.
I am as different from most people I meet, as night is from day. Scares me when I meet others who can actually understand what’s in my head. It is an awesome feeling. Then they leave and I’m left alone with my thoughts. So I used to think. But I do understand the feelings these days because they used to have me trapped and feeling isolated with family around me. The older I got living with the feelings the more I reclused, and the more I reclused is the less I wanted to talk. I just wanted to study things and theories and look at them and figure out how things work. Leave me with things and I am as happy as a Lark, except there were times I felt like I needed people to speak to but just didn’t know how. It was during the latter years of my own life, during a deep depression I sat down and prayed.
My literal prayer was for God to remove the chains binding my hands and feet, though I didn’t know why I thought I was chained. But that’s what I prayed for. I also asked him to free me from what was holding me captive. Things began to change. My thoughts began to change. And I was slowly freed from the depressive thoughts that had hounded me for years. But there was something else – a small voice inside driving me to look at things the way I used to. From the basics out, even me. And that is when I began seeing everything that was really going on with me. What I saw scared the daylights out of me because I never would have imagined I was, what I was looking at. But there was something else the little voice told me. I would be a lot of work to patch up. That voice was the Holy Spirit and true to his word, I fell apart, I kicked, I screamed, I was convicted and ran, and then I completely shattered. But, God showed me he would not leave me alone or send me to just anyone, but to his own children.
That is when the healing started for me and I began to speak more and call on people more. I began to talk to God more and understand more and maturing from an infant in the Spirit to a toddler. I do understand now that even in the worst times I was never alone. God was right there waiting for me to call on him. The family I thought I could not turn to or trust was simply people living their lives and didn’t know what to do about me because, I was just weird. But God also showed me that this wasn’t true. I am just as different from everyone else as they are different from me, and one another.
It is the same with everyone else. You too. Your walk in life may feel lonely, but you are not alone. God has never abandoned us. He just stays quiet and leaves us to live as we see fit and hopes that we turn to Him in our hour of need, so he can remake us in his image rather than the image of pain life on Earth branded us with. God explains why he doesn’t interfere in our lives in the book of Isaiah chapter 42 verse 19, “who is blind but my servant, deaf like the messenger I send?” and in verse 20 “you have seen many things, but have paid no attention; your ears are open, but you hear nothing.” God does not pay attention to what we do not bring to his attention, if we choose to hold onto it ourselves. That includes the way we feel. But the minute we call out to Him and recognize him is when he begins taking care of and, correcting things we didn’t even know was wrong with our life. Judgment is reserved for the day he chooses to pass judgment on the world.
Even Jesus said that he did not come to condemn (judge) the world, but to save it [john 3:17] – and as much as he did, as much as he preached, he would not intervene in people’s lives one way or another unless they invited him to. Understanding this, I have come to know that it is not that God abandoned us, but that God is waiting for us to invite him into our lives.
The loneliness you feel, the feeling of being worthless can end. Just invite God into your life. It is easy. The words, “Heavenly Father I need you,” will set off a chain of events in your life that will change your thinking and circumstances according to what you want and what you’re willing to do. God will begin a work in you that will seem like an artist chiseling out a brand new sculpture from you. It feels like it is an impossible thing when you first start because, like when we were children, it takes practice to walk. Your mind will take time to let go of the lonely feeling, but slowly, God will set to work in you and remake you until you don’t remember what you were like yesterday. Just glimpses every time your old life of loneliness tries to remind you to come back.
But lonely is NOT who we were made to be. We were made, each one of us, and as an assembly of people, to be God’s glory. We were meant to live lives of joy and peace, giving thanks for the abundance God provides for us and he will, even here in this time of trial and temptation and our misery. All you have to do is ask and let him in.
But you are not alone. It just feels like it because your eyes are covered by misery and the life that is holding you captive. Ask God to remove the chains and he will. He will bring you as far as he sees you need carrying before he sets you down and lets you begin to walk on your own. But he will not intervene until you call to him and ask him to help you, to set you free and I hope that after reading this, you will.
For any brother or sister who has a story to share that they believe can help anyone who reads this, it is welcome, please comment.