Pain is a beast all on its own. So many people are carrying it like it’s an important piece of luggage instead of something they need to ditch ASAP. Believe me, I’m feeling it in a way myself after letting the teenager go on a camping trip with all this nonsense going on. But she deserved it because she worked hard, so I bit my lip and didn’t chase the bus and tear the door off. But all I can do is sleep when possible and think about what if.
Pain can truly make you evil if you carry it too long or carry it the wrong way. It’ll seep through your bones and destroy you slowly, fiber by fiber. Like children, you have to realize that there is a time to let go of pain and enjoy some freedom.
With every mass shooting or murder, there is pain behind the trail of bloodshed. Some of that pain doesn’t even involve the victim(s). Just pain carried the wrong way sometimes for far too long. And while most of us will argue that pain doesn’t cause anyone to commit evil acts, we all need to realize we all handle pain differently. But, all of us have the choice of letting it go.
I’m an oddball and I, at times, have people looking at me because I say the wrong things… a lot. My head should be in the dirt with all my quirks. But I have come to accept my quirks and find ways to enjoy the times I spend by myself and take that time to sift through anything bothering me. To explain – I sometimes miss “intent & context” of things said at times, and most emotions are like Martians to me, which most times causes me to say odd things and turn around and try to correct what I said earlier because it totally didn’t make sense, or literally freeze because I don’t know how to respond (many many people think I’m a naturally patient saint without realizing it, but I’ll admit it). And, yes, I’ve been cursed out for reasons I didn’t understand, because I didn’t understand.
Understanding these things and accepting them (to myself for a very very long time of course) taught me how to deal with the pain that came with living life that way, most times, I’ve had my moments. I don’t lash out because it sometimes takes me a bit to process and then understand that sometimes people aren’t necessarily being mean, they’re just expressing themselves in their own way. Some times. There are, of course, times I think God is giving me that “Really” stare, while I’m complaining.
But, living life as a broken-pacifist has made me realize a few things about pain. It first forced me to forgive things done, some quicker than others. Second, I have learned to see pain being directed at me, sometimes, and find ways to deflect or reshape it, sometimes. But I still have lots and lots of moments where people just stare at me and I could see in their eyes that they just want to apply a smack down.
But there’s a better way, and I humbly thank everyone who has taken that better way with me, because I learned more from those interactions than any beating they could have given me.
Letting go of pain, one by one, not all at once – and coming to understand the reasons for the pain will always bring healing to you and the other person.
Now, some will laugh at the first thing on the list here, but I’ll be honest, it helps immensely; that is – forgiving yourself for allowing anyone to do to you what you didn’t want – I know, not always your fault and can’t always do anything about it. That’s why it sounds stupid, at first glance. But there is something to forgiving yourself first that feels real good. Even the worst pain tends to feel a hundred times lighter after you forgive yourself. Analyzing. But I believe it has something to do with you not having yourself a pity party or blaming yourself anymore, because you have forgiven yourself. I have been wrong and I’m still analyzing, like I said.
Then the monster; forgiving whomever or whatever caused your pain. Lots and lots of prayer helps with this most times, if you’re a believer.
In today’s world, forgiveness seems to be a word other people throw at other people in hopes they get forgiven. But, here’s the truth for the millionth time; forgiving someone literally frees you from whatever you’re holding and they don’t even have to know you forgive them until you choose to let them know. The difference is a boulder versus a feather, in my humble opinion.
There are times you can’t see your way to forgiving. Those are the times you need someone you trust to be fair, honest, and compassionate because you may need to hear the truth in a way that doesn’t cut your already bleeding wound. It defeats the purpose if the person is partial one way or another or is harsher than you can deal with, with their responses. Their answers need to help you let go of the pain you’re carrying, but give you the truth.
After you’ve forgiven, it is time to let go. That isn’t always easy, but it is necessary. Holding unto something you’ve forgiven can cause resentment. Resentment tends to be far heavier than the pain you forgave, because it can lead to thoughts that are unwarranted. Actions that leave children without parents or worse, parents crying over their children, as we have unfortunately just witnessed.
If you can’t see your way through the steps of letting go on your own or don’t feel like anyone you know can help, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to someone who has been trained to help, and who has likely dealt with whatever it is you’re going through. Plus their lips are sealed by law so you don’t have to worry if you aren’t ready to let everyone know what you’ve been through or what you’re letting go of.